it's my cycle...i can cry if i want to

exactly 28 days ago this is what was going on, and it's that time of the month to revisit those feeling. instead of crying on my friends kitchen floor, this time I broke down in the middle of drum class. i was having a hard time with a new rhythm, i felt like my voice was not being heard ...add frustration and embarrassment to the mix and you get a beautiful little break down. i felt so much better once i escaped (20 min into the class) and was driving on the highway towards home.

i know this is cyclical. i've been taking great care of myself (friends and their kids came over to play, received an amazing Thai massage, had a cleaning lady in, taking my omega 3's and having a bit of chocolate when needed...super dark chocolate actually helps a great deal) and taking it easy. i have not snapped at Mia and the only harsh thing i've said to my loving and understanding husband was, in a very firm voice, 'i NEED you to get out of the kitchen'. i had planned to make a medium egg, but he preferred scrambled...wayyyy too much to deal with :) while i'm 'in it', i'm aware that i'm overreacting and that it's all hormonal, but it's real to me. i do try to keep myself in check, while still being gentle with myself, and do make sincere amends.

everyone dreads the visit by Aunt Flo, but i welcome her with open arms....she so generously brings with her total relief.

sad vs. happy

for the last weekish, i've been feeling blue. not up to much. not returning phone calls. in my cave. pretty sure it's hormonal. the pmdd monster was at my door last week. this week, he's sitting on my sofa. this morning, i cried at a playdate. who the hell cries at a freakin playdate? it was a super fab one at that...faux camp out..with a tent and everything...grilled hot dogs and smores made with the love of the sun. i was sitting on my friends kitchen floor. crying.

i just found out that my scarab tat symbolizes good luck and happiness. hellooooo i have happiness tattooed to my BODY!!!! my dear friends were so compassionate, and Mia is so lovely and easy today. my husband is super sweet and will shift his pool night, if needed so i can go to drum class. my food consumption today included smores, hot dogs, watermelon and a corn dog. oh, try explaining what a corn dog is to a 2 1/2 year old...that'll make ya smile. 'but that is NOT corn, mama'.

what's funny...kinda...is that i've had a freakin rough summer so far, and i haven't cried. at all. i've even TRIED to cry. nothing. until i'm sitting on the kitchen floor of a playdate. for a silly reason. i cried. i wanted to let it loose and bawl like a baby...but i'll save that for my husband. for some reason he likes when i cry....he says i always feel better, he feels like he can actually comforting, and my eyes turn a gorgeous shade of bright blue :) so, the lil waterworks at the playdate this morning did in fact release a lot of crap...

i feel better....kind of happy :)