i'm trying

a little while ago, a dear friend asked how i was doing. i replied, 'i've cleaned my whole kitchen and finished 4 loads of laundry'. then we mentioned how great denial is. i'm better when Daryl is home, but alone, not so much.

yesterday was easter, and we spent it with family. while i was just fine in the beginning, i quickly became tired and needed 2 naps in a 4 hr period. another dear friend had mentioned in an email that surgery is surgery and my body is healing.

i'm really surprised how hard i've been hit by this. i hadn't shopped, no discussion of name choices... but i'd been pregnant for 10 weeks. almost a full trimester. i've had a lot of loss in my life, so i know how to grieve and what it's all about. i just can't pinpoint anything in my brain this time. it's just a sad foggy feeling that comes over me.