iMOTHER

we've moved!

2009-01-25T21:35:00.002-06:00

I won't be posting here anymore.

Come on over and check out the new digs.

iMother2.0 (my 'new' blog)

p.s. when I comment over at your blog, I won't be listed as Mia's Mama anymore

i sleep

2009-01-06T08:56:00.003-06:00

the best thing since sliced bread? ear plugs!

after complaining about my lack of sleep due to d's snoring, Bonnie mentioned ear plugs. ohhhhh ear plugs! i actually had a whole container. i tried them out the night d got home from working out of town, and i slept like a baby...a happy and content baby. all i could hear was my deep breathing...a little like scuba diving. compared to the sometimes out of the blue scary loud snores, listening to my own breathing was quite a comfort.

when mia needs my attention during the night, he just gives me a sweet nudge and i wake from my deep peaceful sleep, tend to her and once my plugs are back in, i'm asleep within minutes.

the BEST thing about this is that d doesn't have to sleep in the guest room, or when we have company...on the sofa. a good night sleep and i get to snuggle with my honey. i can't ask for more than that!

breakfast for dinner

2008-12-26T00:02:00.002-06:00

to break up the pre-holiday crazy, a few O'Mamas got together one evening this week at Kerbey Lane for some chat, breakfast and whipped cream topped coffee...and beer. always a wonderful break hanging with my ladies....almost as wonderful as a butter smothered blueberry pancake stabbed with a fork to let all the syrup in...i AM pregnant, remember. actually, that's how i always eat my pancakes, and only the middles. i never eat the edges.

i miss

2008-12-09T22:26:00.007-06:00

i miss my beer.

holidays are hard.

i just wanna hang with friends and drink beer.

lots and lots of beer.

dos equis in the green bottle. no glass. no lime. thanks.

from a potato

2008-12-07T21:51:00.003-06:00

to an orange?

'You are now 19 weeks pregnant -- almost halfway there! Nineteen weeks into your pregnancy,your baby is about 5.2 to 6 inches long and weighs about 7 ounces (about the weight of an average orange).'

these sites aren't reliable. i guess i may need to stick to one that's comparing my unborn child to food...i'm irritable enough without these inconsistencies.

food?

2008-11-25T09:48:00.003-06:00

i wonder why all the analogies of the size of my unborn child are of food. first a grain of rice, then a Lima bean, we jumped to a medium shrimp (now nicknamed Trimp by Mia), and now we have a medium baked potato.

they wonder why we eat so much...i'd LOVE a baked potato right now! LOADED!

broken

2008-11-16T22:26:00.006-06:00

no. not my heart. my most favorite lens ever! we were out at sea world and mia wanted to see the roller coasters close up and personal. daryl found a perfect place. i went to sit down and my camera strap slid around and my camera hit the curb...yes, i'd chosen a curb to sit on...i was tired....well, the lens hit the curb and it kind of broke in half in a way that actually gives me hope that it can be repaired. it's not a super expensive lens, but it's dear to my heart. i made a quick call to my photography guru, Bonnie (who i actually bought the lens from), but no answer. oh, well. i'll take it in tomorrow and hope for the best. i'm glad it happened towards the end of the day, but still. it hurts.

where DID it go?!?!

2008-11-16T10:16:00.004-06:00

i was just minding my own business...eating a delish potato and egg breakfast taco, when i reached for it...needing another bite, and it was GONE!!!! how can i finish food and not even know it? i was reading blogs and stuff....then no taco! as usual, i should savor my food. i just want one more bite...please :)

i fondue

2008-11-16T08:43:00.003-06:00

mama pal, Kiwe hosted a rocking fondue and bingo night last week. it was awesome...how could it not be with pots of melted yummy cheese and decadent chocolate?!?! i made a salad inspired by the salad i usually ate back in the days of the o'mama ladies nights at the Melting Pot. i must admit that it was fabulously tasty. it was an awesome night of fun chat, silliness and serious bingo playing. Kiwe won twice....there was talk of her rigging the bingo ball basket ;p

happy birthday, Leah Ann

2008-11-12T20:50:00.003-06:00

last week we got together and celebrated dear Leah Ann's birthday. we had such a freakin BLAST! She's such a great sport that she sang karaoke (thanks to Jennifer, who brought her machine over) and wore a party hat (Mia saw the pic and was very delighted)! everyone ate drank and was merry. divided into teams, we battled it out with Catch Phrase and the losers (Courtney, Melissa, Andrea and Anja) were forced to karaoke! Anja was soooo into it...she was the cutest thing. then there were Courtney and Melissa with their rockin air guitars! the whole night, Leah Ann either had a huge smile on her face or was laughing hysterically. good times. happy birthday, my friend!

spa-ahhhhhhh

2008-10-29T12:46:00.004-05:00

in a couple of weeks, a very dear friend, Sara will be participating in a fund raise/girls night out sorta thang for The Good Earth Day School. Her kiddos start attending next week, and she's already up to her elbows (literally) helping out. she'll be providing hand and foot massages as well as foot soaks and scrubs! she wanted to practice to make sure she could do it all and keep the line moving, so she oohhhhhh so sweetly invited her pregnant friends to be guinea pigs. yay! it ROCKS to be pregnant for so many reasons, but this is just gravy!

i joined other preggos....Heather, Andrea, Gale and two other mama's one very pregnant mama...due next week!....from the neighborhood, and Kristen from Manor. i'd met her at Sara's Memorial Day party, so it was super nice to see her again.

we ate, chatted, and were pampered. the water was just right...so was Sara's touch, but that's not surprising. she's super duper gifted in all stuff good and fun...just don't ask about house cleaning...we are indeed sistas when it comes to that!

thanks for a LOVELY evening Sara, and making us all feel so special and delicate on our lily pads :)

why i take prenatal vitamins

2008-10-28T15:33:00.004-05:00

1. i'm pregnant

2. i had chili cheese fries for lunch

3. with a side of jalapeño poppers

cold feet

2008-10-20T22:48:00.003-05:00

ok, so we got a temporal thermometer. daryl was trying it out and it's pretty accurate..his temp was right at 98.5. then he put it on the end of my nose...79 and my big toe....74 degrees. my hands, nose and feet always feel cold and now there's proof.

i LOVE how silly he is...he's always making me laugh.

today

2008-10-17T09:28:00.002-05:00

today
i am sad
and i don't know why

actually
i realized
if i didn't miscarry in the spring
i'd have a newborn right now

that's just sad
i didn't expect it to hit me at all, much less hard
see what i know

i'm glad my mom is here to play with Mia
i just want to curl up in bed on this grey grey day

the last bite

2008-10-16T16:10:00.003-05:00

how often does this happen to you:

i was finishing lunch.

i was full.

i ate another bite.

then a few more.

now i'm stuffed and miserable.

ugh.

(this just happened, so yes, i'm still stuffed.....BUT while browsing google images for a pic to use, i ran across the next shot. i could SOOOOoooo eat one of those cookies!)

i relax

2008-09-28T19:00:00.003-05:00

now that i haven't spotted in over a week, we saw the baby's heartbeat again, as of last tuesday, the baby had tripled in size, i'm no longer on pelvic rest, and i'm not as nauseous anymore, i can relax a little.

i'm enjoying life a lot more, and Daryl, Mia and i had a wonderful weekend together. i've been napping a lot and in general, relaxing.

what i would love more than a lot of things is if Daryl and i could get a way for even a weekend to Cozumel or Playa del Carmen. that's a spot in the world where we've been kind of a lot, and it always feels so good to be there. it's familiar and relaxing. i've been working hard baking our bun and taking care of the snapper....Daryl has been working hard, period. we need it, and we'll get there, it just may take a little time, but we'll get there :)

in the mean time, we relax any way we can. ahhhhhhh

i wanna puke

2008-09-19T18:07:00.001-05:00

fuck. niles (the dog) farted under the desk. nauseous again!

blah

2008-09-19T17:52:00.004-05:00

that's how i feel. blah.

My Life Path Number

2008-09-16T20:10:00.003-05:00

as a reader of Andrea's blog, i'm tagged with this meme. if you're a reader over here, consider yourself tagged, too. hmmmm i think number 3 is pretty accurate...i think.

Your Life Path Number is 3

Your purpose in life is to express your unique self.

You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life.

Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen.

A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party.

In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire.

While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play.

And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings.

Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them

What Is Your Life Path Number?

it beats

2008-09-15T21:16:00.006-05:00

i'll start off with the super fab news...we saw, not heard, the baby's heartbeat today!!!! now, what led us there at a day shy of 7 weeks....spotting. damn that spotting. a little bit last wednesday, then more and darker on fri night....while at the end of the session drumming party. then cramps, cramps and more cramps. i spent all sat asleep or wishing i was.

we got in to see the doc at 9:40 this morning....HUGE thanks to Andrea for lovingly caring for our snapper on a non-Casa T day. Daryl and i got to focus, and Mia got to hang with her pals and make holistic huevos rancheros. yes, they were holistic, thank you very much.

so, the monitor is facing the doc, nurse and husband. i, in a not so fun position, can not see a damn thing...except when Daryl's eyes got a little big and then a little sad. oh, the doc took a while to mention that they were measuring not an empty sack, but a golf ball size ovarian cyst. no worries, they come with the PCOS territory. then on to the real (not empty) sack and the baby growing in it...lil heartbeat and all!!! the doc questioned us about dates....hmmmm being able to see a heartbeat this early is rare. that's our baby! trust me doc, we planned, and i also referred to my blog entry. it's official.

Daryl and i smiled across the crowded room and silently mouthed our 'i love yous'. we are pregnant and the baby has a heartbeat. we KNOW things can happen and stuff, but right now, our baby has a heartbeat and that's all that matters.

oh, the spotting may be due to low progesterone levels...the labs will be in tomorrow. i'm hoping i'm not low....then i won't have to do the whole progesterone suppository thang!

recap: pregnant. heartbeat!

nothing

2008-09-11T12:05:00.004-05:00

it's been a week since my last post, and nothing has been going on. seriously. nothing. i eat, sleep, hang with Mia, nap, hang with the hubby, eat, sleep...dude. a lot of nothing is going on because i'm still EXHAUSTED! making a baby and placenta must be some pretty tough work. if you're ever wondering what i'm up to, a pretty accurate guess would be...you guessed it....nothing. and if you want to know what my husband is up to, well it's EVERYTHING. he works all day, then comes home and usually whips up something for dinner, cleans up and bathes Mia and gets her all ready for bed. all i have to do is eat and read her a story. he says there's a lot going on in my body and for me to lay on the sofa and nap or relax or read...i'm thankful for my loving husband, because of him, i can do nothing and not feel too guilty about it.

i'm getting sleeeeeeepy

2008-09-03T17:07:00.007-05:00

Fatigue/Tiredness:
Feeling fatigued or more tired is a pregnancy symptom which can also start as early as the first week after conception.

check.

since finding out i'm pregnant, it's been smooth sailing....i'm already 4 weeks along and with being nauseous at times, the main symptom i'm feeling is the fatigue thang. i went to sleep at 10pm last night. woke up at 7:30 am...9 1/2 hours of undisturbed sleep, but i still woke up tired. i had the whole day to myself, and what did i do? hit Tiny Bird Organics for a few minutes...walked away with a frog for the baby, came home and took a nap...oh the most strenuous thing i did was shower, wash hair, and then a quick blow dry & style and i was whipped. i did get a nice 15 min walk the long way to the mailbox. i'm so counting that as exercise!

i'm trying out Sherry's drum class tonight...actually, two of them to see which level best suits me. now drumming is something i have energy for. i was all over it last night at Mae's class. i love this baby will be around so much rhythm and love from the beginning.

i think i need to go rest ;)

i NIA

2008-08-27T16:44:00.004-05:00

remember Aralyn? well, i'm happily on her mailing list of super fun stuff...this week i receive an invite to experience NIA, Tango or acting classes...how fun is she? i opted for the NIA class. i've done it once before, and thoroughly enjoyed it. i've been wanting to add some exercise into my life and this kind comes with so much more.

today, after i dropped of Mia at Casa T, i got a haircut, had a quick bite at WF and hoped over to Congress and 9th to Aralyn's pad.....pet her sweet pig, Ara, before walking in to her funky cool home. when Aralyn saw me, her face lit up and told everyone, 'this is Tanya! she's fun....she drums'. what a super fab intro. then we NIA'd. Julie was an amazingly positive and joyful instructor. we focused on our spines...i even got to wag & drag my tail (the one that would be there if i had a long tail. i LOVE that she said to shake it...feathered or furry...what OPTIONS! ) on the ground, dance and sweat and we closed by focusing on our chakras. wednesday's from 12-1pm, at Aralyn's, is where i'll be. it was everything i needed and so much more.

to finish up my day gone wild, i stopped by my honey's office for a quick kiss & a plastic spoon (my fine dark chocolate bar had melted in this Austin heat....so i ate it with a spoon) before i spent 1 1/2 hours at Half Price Books...then off to pick up my happy happy happy child from Casa T.

i heart wednesdays

it's my cycle...i can cry if i want to

2008-08-27T07:49:00.004-05:00

exactly 28 days ago this is what was going on, and it's that time of the month to revisit those feeling. instead of crying on my friends kitchen floor, this time I broke down in the middle of drum class. i was having a hard time with a new rhythm, i felt like my voice was not being heard ...add frustration and embarrassment to the mix and you get a beautiful little break down. i felt so much better once i escaped (20 min into the class) and was driving on the highway towards home.

i know this is cyclical. i've been taking great care of myself (friends and their kids came over to play, received an amazing Thai massage, had a cleaning lady in, taking my omega 3's and having a bit of chocolate when needed...super dark chocolate actually helps a great deal) and taking it easy. i have not snapped at Mia and the only harsh thing i've said to my loving and understanding husband was, in a very firm voice, 'i NEED you to get out of the kitchen'. i had planned to make a medium egg, but he preferred scrambled...wayyyy too much to deal with :) while i'm 'in it', i'm aware that i'm overreacting and that it's all hormonal, but it's real to me. i do try to keep myself in check, while still being gentle with myself, and do make sincere amends.

everyone dreads the visit by Aunt Flo, but i welcome her with open arms....she so generously brings with her total relief.

Nuad Bo'Rarn

2008-08-25T22:45:00.005-05:00

Sara did this to me and it was amazing!

i'm having a hard time finding words to explain the process or express how fabulous it felt...still feels. i was stretched, pulled and pushed in all sorts of interesting positions. sometimes it was like a game, trying to figure out if it was her hand, elbow or foot that was pressing against (insert major or minor muscle of choice here). it was beyond relaxing and not at all painful. the stretches were deep and warm...just right. the best part about getting the right leg done was that i had a left :) this is now my massage of choice, and lovely Sara is my therapist :) i feel like i'm not doing Sara or her work justice. i'm at a loss for words.

Update: it's the next day, and i'm seriously still feeling the super effects of the massage. my muscles and joints still feel relaxed...no soreness or aches....quiet the opposite. i'm sitting up straighter and my body just feels like a well oiled machine. i was just able to notice how weird my typing posture was and was able to relax. hmmmm there just may be something to this Thai massage stuff ;)

this just may be something i need in my arsenal against PMDD.

Sara, i LOVE you...and your feet, elbows, hands....and KNEES!!!

and the rest of the birthday

2008-08-24T14:20:00.006-05:00

let's just wrap it all up and finish with the tales from my birthday. after my lovely birthday brunch with friends, flowers, chocolate and dinner from Daryl, I thought my beautiful birthday was finished. but nooooooo.....

apparently Daryl and Andrea had been in cahoots for weeks...along with everyone that came to my Super Duper Surprise Birthday Bash! while i was innocently drumming with friends, there was a party going down at our house. the problem with it being a surprise was that i didn't know about it. so, if i didn't know about it, how could i be expected to be there on time? i was an hour late! i was so floored when i walked in and saw our entire home filled with family and friends, that i just shut the door until i was composed enough to try again...that happened three times. finally into my party and was just bamboozled by who was there. many who i'd seen that very day! i did underestimate their sneakiness!!! and it was AWESOME!!!!

Bonnie took some super fab shots, and here are some of my faves:

i took these last two shots.

my cake... Mia (2 1/2 yrs old) and Andrea (34 yrs old) couldn't wait till i blew out my candles :)

Mia does love her cake
thank you! it was a birthday to remember!

beyond drumming, fun & color

2008-08-18T17:12:00.005-05:00

last friday, i had a super bad ass time with Lynn...the previous owner of my new drum. we met up to carpool to Aralyn's place downtown...first off, i was late. VERY late. FYI Jollyville and Old Jollyville are NOT the same road. Lyn was cool as a cucumber about it, helped me load up my djembe and we were off to drum. on the drive she told me a little about Aralyn, our hostess. she lives one block south of the capitol on congress, she has a metal spider over her door and owns a pot belly pig (Ara, named after Aralyn's mother) she won in a silent auction! Cathy, another Djembabe, ran the class and Lynn helped out on duns. it was fun and exhilarating. wine was poured and clothes were almost taken off...Aralyn. i don't know what i enjoyed more, the drumming, Aralyn or her home. she and her place are quite colorful...i even took pictures of her bathroom!

Meet Ara

she's a super fab doorstop/watch pig (Lynn trying to get passed her)

Aralyn is a real estate agent and artist...to name a few

there are actual live fish swimming in this toilet

fish in a bag with herbs n lemon!...hanging from her shower head

doesn't everyone have a chandelier like this in their bathroom?

after drumming (the acoustics in this room were AWESOME!)
top are Lynn's duns, then some djembes...mine is at the lower right

Aralyn hosts a monthly drum happy hour from 5-7...if you're interested :)

manga me, too

2008-08-13T12:37:00.004-05:00

Mel did it, and i wanted to try it too.

does it look like me?

to create your own, go HERE

if you do, feel free to come back here an post it on my comments :)

fun!

glam

2008-08-10T20:16:00.001-05:00

last night, Bonnie, hosted a MNO. the last time it was silly time at Bonnie's Boozing Booth. this one was a glamorama! Andrea's cousin, Javier, was in town...he's a fabulous make-up artist. he so very generously spent his entire evening making us over. i heart Javier! Bonnie worked her ass off and pretty much gave each 8 of us our own private photo shoot. to see her little tease (bad girl, Bonnie! always leaving us wanting more) click here.

while trying out one of Bonnie's lenses, i shot these behind the scenes shots. Bonnie, i think you'll be proud...i spent some extra time processing :) love you!

i couldn't resist Sam

i love Bonnie

Bonnie's Josh (he makes the BEST freakin queso!)

Javier el Guapisimo!

the following 4 shots of me were taken by Andrea (Thank you, Mamita)

Mel did this to me

2008-08-08T16:24:00.003-05:00

Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends.

Mel did this to me.

Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person
who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things
about your friends that you might not have known.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7! It used to be 8:30-9ish. We must figure out how Daryl can leave for work without turning on his LOUD Jeep.

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds. Daryl gave me my first ones. I didn't care either way, but now I think they are rather sparkly, in a good way.

3. What 2 things do you always have with you? My keys and lip gloss

4. What is your favorite TV show(s)? I am NOT embarrassed to say that I LOVE So You Think You Can Dance....Joshua won last night...he was my fave from the beginning :) Also dig Top Chef...I learn so much.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? migas. i make the BEST migas in the world. my usual after migas would be a gf frozen waffle (toasted), smothered with chunky peanut butter and then topped (all over) with smooshed raspberries.

6. What is your favorite book? i really dig the Tao of Pooh. i keep it by the toilet...so appropriate...pooh, get it? ha, i'm soooo funny!

7. What is your middle name? Marie. No accents

8. What food do you dislike? FISH. Yes, that includes sushi.

9. What is your favorite CD? right now, it's the Djembabes. shocking. i know.

10. What type of car do you drive? Honda Accord....still mourning my Mitsubishi Spyder (convertible)...the damn stroller wouldn't fit. gave in when Mia was about 4 months old. *sniff*
if my next car is a minivan, it'll be black with hot pink flames down the sides. seriously. not joking.

11. Favorite sandwich? a good egg salad...or turkey and avocado on toast...with mayo and cracked pepper.

12. What characteristic do you despise? when someone all judgmental. that sucks all the way around.

13. Favorite item of clothing? my push up bra. they need a little push.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Zimbabwe.

15. What color is your bathroom? white. we're also renting. i do my best to perk it up with white towels.

16. Favorite brand of clothing? a good pair of Levi's is always my friend

17. Where would you like retire to? some beach in a Spanish speaking country.

18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? the first one after i married Daryl. all my friends came, i was pregnant with Mia, and my BIL hit me with a pinata stick.... did i mention that i was pregnant?!?! Joe kinda hit my shoulder and i still love to mess with him about it...hitting a pregnant woman with a stick and on her BIRTHDAY! oh, the pinata was filled with little plastic bottles of booze.

19. Furthest place you are sending this? i recently put some sort of map widget on my other blog, and i've noticed hits from Chile, Singapore, Australia...who knows who crosses over to this blog.

21. Who do you least expect to repost this? Bonnie

22. Person you expect to repost first? hmmmm Andrea

23. Favorite saying? shit i don't have one. i don't remember song lyrics, movie lines, quotes from books...any of that, so i DON'T have a fave saying and not in the mood to go google for one.

24. When is your birthday? 8/14/70....i'll be 38 in a week :)

25. Are you a morning person or a night person? night. i can stay up forever. Daryl usually has to drag me to bed....Mmmm i love when he drags me to bed.

26. What is your shoe size? 9 1/2 is too small. 10 is too big...so i guess 9 3/4

27. Pets? Niles. mini schnauzer i've had for going on 13 years. Lola fancy goldfish...she's fab, but she killed Mog, Daryls' black Moor

28. What did you want to be when you were little? i also thought i'd be an actress, but the fact that i can't remember lines, hinders me more than a bit.

29. How are you today? the door bell just rang! I don't want to answer. not expecting anyone and the house is a freakin mess!!! brb. fucking door-to-door salesman/boy. ugh. so i'm not keeping up with my housework. surprise!

30. What is your favorite candy? Reeses cups. Never had them out of the fridge...they never make it home from the store. 86 the milk! disgusting!

31. What is your favorite flower? peony. always loved them. wore one in my hair at our wedding.

32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? saturday. Daryl's usually home and there's always fun stuff to do or not do.

33. What is the last thing you ate? taquitos. too many taquitos...with guacamole

34. What are you listening to right now? Mia whining about needing to go to the store or a birthday party for a cupcake.

35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink a pale shade of pink or brick red always had a love hate relationship with brick red.

will continue this in a little bit. Mia and i are about to make cupcakes.

Ok. mini cupcakes in oven. mixed white icing with pink, green, purple and blue Wilton colors. waiting for the timer.

36. How is the weather right now? HOT, but we're inside, so not much of a bug

37. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my mom

38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? oh, yeah. she's SUPER FAB!

39. Favorite soft drink? i don't usually drink soft drinks..unless it's crown & coke

40. Favorite restaurant? sadly, i don't have on. i LOVE to eat, but i haven't found a go to place yet.

41. Hair color? redish brownish...just colored it, so no greys.

42. Sibling(s). younger sister

43. Favorite day of the year? Halloween LOVE halloween!!! LOVE dressing up!!!

44. What was your favorite toy as a child? honestly, a football. i was a super tom boy. i think i just wanted my dad to love me. he was a football coach.

45. Summer or winter? winter. i love wearing a sweater, jeans and boots. HATE to sweat.

cupcakes out and cooling...i've only eaten 3...they're MINI

46. Hugs or kisses? GOOD hugs or a good makeout session with my honey. good night kisses are also super sweet.

47. Chocolate or Vanilla? Mexican vanilla. i also say sherbert. someone made me aware of my error, so now i say sherbert on purpose. i'm a rebel like that.

48. Do you want your friends to post back? Yes...PLEASE!! ...DITTO!!!

49. When was the last time you cried? this morning at Stephanie's her R just looked up at me with his big brown eyes and i totally teared up. i totally bawled when they said Joshua's name last night. refer to #4

50. What is under your bed? crap. things that were laying around the bed, but have been pushed under...probably when someone was visited unexpectedly. hello. use a phone. ya gotta warn a girl.

51. Who is the friend you have had the longest? this is super sad, but during my first marriage, we moved around a lot. when we moved to Austin, i was a nanny. hello. how do you make friends being a nanny...actually my friends were about 3 years old...their moms regarded me as hired help. not my boss...i was her 'wife'. so, when i met Daryl, i was on my own. he introduced me to all of his friends and we've been together ever since. Krista, Loren and Diane...they're my grrrls. now that i'm a sahm, i've found some wonderful friends. i hope we'll be together forever :)

52. Favorite smell? what IS it about our guys and their deodorants. OMG Daryl once switched on me with out notification, and i felt like i was cheating on him. this was NOT my husband. i told him, that he needed to buy the old stuff or i'd go find someone that smelled like my husband.
other than that...um baking cake smell. those cupcakes are driving me loca!

53. What are you afraid of? i've had a many close family members die, so that's a very real fear for me. i'm also afraid that people won't like me.

54. Plain, butter or salted popcorn? lightly salted and drizzled with melted chocolate.

55. How many keys on your key ring? 3 - car, house, mailbox. you can check. i've had my keyring for over 10 years now. i was actually thinking about that while checking the mail today.

56. How many years at your current job? Mia's 2 1/2. i quit working as a nanny a month before she was born.

57. Favorite day of the week? same as #32...is it not the same question?

58. How many towns have you lived in? 6

59. Do you make friends easily? yes. i love meeting new peeps and i love being a friend. how old am i? that sounded so jr high

60. How many people will you be sending this to? 5.....or maybe 11

gotta go ice those cakes!

******
my spellcheck has confirmed i use a LOT of made up words.

***if you're bored enough or want to escape doing something important, then answer and post your link in my comments...would love to read yours!

i drum

2008-08-06T00:25:00.005-05:00

my loving husband gave me an early birthday gift a couple of weeks ago. a new djembe! actually a new to me djembe. this drum comes from a wonderful woman, Lynn. Lynn had been hand drumming for years, but sustained a hand injury and wouldn't be able to play a djembe again...she's fine and has moved on to her love...the duns. this drum was displayed at Mae's home...not my sister, Mae, my drum teacher, Mae. i fell in love with it, but not it's price tag. Daryl noticed my interest in the drum, so he contacted Mae about buying it. 'absolutely NOT' Mae said....'Tanya has to pick out her own drum...one can't just be bought for her...it's a very personal choice'. she did give Daryl Lynn's info....a few days later, i found myself in front of whole foods playing this lovely drum. Lynn told me what she knew about the drum...it's from West Africa and is sacred. the carving is of kundalini rising...

you can see it better in this shot. in an email to Daryl (that he shared with me), Lynn wrote, 'It is like kundalini rising when drumming, you know what I mean?'...no, he didn't, but i do :)

the goat skin is beautiful...with the obvious spine down the center...very desirable in a djembe

here's a close up..you can actually see some of the goat hair....it's that beautiful? it's said that each drum has three spirits...from the tree, the animal and the drum maker. i love that

here's my lil snapper, thrilled to get her hands on both of mama's djembes...the smaller one is now hers and she's just delighted.

so, tonight was the first night of the next series of drum classes. Leah Ann also drummed...all the others couldn't make it this session. we were joined with 2 women that had taken 3 previous classes...i was a tad intimidated...so in awe. there were also 2 newbies..and i'm soooo glad. Mae had us doing much harder/faster rhythms, and i needed the time it took Mae to teach the new students to catch up with my parts. it was difficult, but that's what it's all about stretching yourself. my drum sounded fabulous and was so much easier to play...the wide base enabled me to get a good tilt without worrying it would fall over. i was able to close my eyes and let it flow. i'm SO ready for next weeks class and the drum circle i'm going to with Lynn next friday....did i mention she's a Djembabe? :)

thanks for the beautiful drum, Babe

mi tia

2008-07-31T19:02:00.006-05:00

i got my period yesterday! i know we're 'not preventing', but i was pretty happy to get it, cuz it means feeling normal is right around the corner. it's like along with the yucky stuff, it releases all my sadness, irrationality, rage, major insecurities, lethargy, conspiracy theories, and my just plain sour mood.

so, while i'm not knocked up, i did my hair today...that says something :)

sad vs. happy

2008-07-29T17:43:00.004-05:00

for the last weekish, i've been feeling blue. not up to much. not returning phone calls. in my cave. pretty sure it's hormonal. the pmdd monster was at my door last week. this week, he's sitting on my sofa. this morning, i cried at a playdate. who the hell cries at a freakin playdate? it was a super fab one at that...faux camp out..with a tent and everything...grilled hot dogs and smores made with the love of the sun. i was sitting on my friends kitchen floor. crying.

i just found out that my scarab tat symbolizes good luck and happiness. hellooooo i have happiness tattooed to my BODY!!!! my dear friends were so compassionate, and Mia is so lovely and easy today. my husband is super sweet and will shift his pool night, if needed so i can go to drum class. my food consumption today included smores, hot dogs, watermelon and a corn dog. oh, try explaining what a corn dog is to a 2 1/2 year old...that'll make ya smile. 'but that is NOT corn, mama'.

what's funny...kinda...is that i've had a freakin rough summer so far, and i haven't cried. at all. i've even TRIED to cry. nothing. until i'm sitting on the kitchen floor of a playdate. for a silly reason. i cried. i wanted to let it loose and bawl like a baby...but i'll save that for my husband. for some reason he likes when i cry....he says i always feel better, he feels like he can actually comforting, and my eyes turn a gorgeous shade of bright blue :) so, the lil waterworks at the playdate this morning did in fact release a lot of crap...

i feel better....kind of happy :)

happy birthday O'Mamas

2008-07-24T17:06:00.001-05:00

a year ago, a feisty mama (Andrea H), wasn't satisfied with any mother's groups she'd encountered so far, created her own haven for mothers who don't quite mother like most. The Other Mothers Meetup group was born. i'm so proud to be included in such a warm, crazy ass, loving, silly, supportive, informative, fabulous group of women who call themselves the O'Mamas. they've picked me up when i've been down, shared in my joys and everything in between. i could go on and on and on and on....

monday was the First Annual O'Mamaversary. our magic decor theme was based on Magic Powder...for the inside scoop check out Mel's blog. super designer, and O'Mama, Sharon designed an O'Mama version of the packaging.

ok. this is NOT about MP. back to the celebration. we laughed, we cried (ok, maybe just me), and we DRANK! there were a couple of games...Steph's necklace game (i sucked) & guess who 's who from our baby pics game (i put that game together, therefor ineligible to win...i knew all the answers). there were awards...i actually won a few...

Most Likely To 'Shout' At Ten Mamas In a Day (giving a shout out is a good thing...i like to show the love)

Most Likely To Give You A Big Hug At Every Playdate (more showing of the love)

Most Likely To Post Pictures Of A Playdate (an award i most happily share with Andrea T)

Most Likely To Let Their Kid Run Free At Playdates (happily share this with Mel, who lets her little G freeball quite often. i dig this award the most...it shows what i strive for as a mama. letting Mia learn about the world through exploration...plus, i'm always taking shots of other kids...see award 3)

our new O'Mama logo was unveiled...designed by super designer Sharon. everyone LOVED it. (this is the part where i cried..oh, i almost cried here)

Photographer extraordinaire, Bonnie, posted 55 shots from the night...here are a few of my faves.

that damned swiper

2008-07-20T04:54:00.004-05:00

sometimes you do what ya gotta do....

last weekend, while Mia was at her Nana & Pawpaw's house for a couple of days, Daryl and I took her crib down. she still had her 'big girl' bed. well, when she walked into her room, she looked around with big eyes and said 'my CRIB?!' now, keep in mind that Daryl and i had been preparing her with talks and stuff, and also told her on the way home that her crib was gone and that she'll get to sleep in her BGB.

(Jump forward to the scene in her room) she looked at me with these HUGE eyes with an almost accusing tone...i couldn't stand to be the object of her scorn, so i simply told her that Swiper swiped it. she took a second and then said 'ohhh MAN!'. i'm going to hell. i'm aware.

since then, she has NOT taken to her BGB as planned. we pulled out her crib mattress, put it in the corner, and that's been her nightly choice. she's been sleeping well...sometimes she rolls off, but she keeps on sleeping.

fangaaaaaaaa

2008-07-16T14:17:00.007-05:00

last friday night, our drumming fun loving instructor* invited her students and their significant others to her home for dinner, drinks and music...there was also a little bit of dancing at the end of Fanga. Daryl and Mae (my sis) came to hang out and watch me play the djembe with my beautiful friends. having them there really added to the excitement and made it a real performance :)

lighting was poor, but the energy & love that night was brilliant

Here's some poorly lit, highly distorted video of a warm up then parts of Fanga...that song went on for 22 minutes, then the camera ran out of space!

*out of respect for my drum instructor's privacy, I've ommited her name...but feel free to email or ask me for info...she's FABULOUS!!!

i wanna have sex with you, but...

2008-07-15T22:48:00.004-05:00

...i'm hoping for a boy.

so, we're gonna have to wait till tomorrow night, k?

my fab friend, Andrea, sent me a checklist for conceiving a boy. the highlights of the list are:

*have sex no earlier than 12 hours after ovulation. (girl sperm hang out and linger, boys are strong and fast)

*doggie, baby! (deposits the sperm super close to the cervix)

*the big O (having an orgasm after him will help his guys move on up)

one thing about having pcos, is that i usually have VERY painful ovulation. i ovulated today (thanks for the ibuprofen, Sara) from the right ovary. yes, this is NOT a made up thang. i can actually feel (often very acutely) when i ovulate.

tonight, we're gonna have to mess around, but i ain't messin' around with this baby stuff. i'm going by the list...what could it hurt? if we do get a girl out of this, i sure in hell am not going to name her Andrea! :)

Bonnie's Boozing Booth

2008-07-15T08:16:00.004-05:00

the gals and i hit Bonnie's for some drankin' and picture takin'....Bonnie's Boozing Booth was created. we had a blast and Bonnie to some super fab shots...these are my faves....i'm in them of course! if you just NEED more, click on over to Bonnie's Blog

by lazygirl.

Happy Birthday JW!

2008-07-13T13:04:00.001-05:00

One my good pals, JW, had herself a birthday on Friday! JW, Sara and I helped her celebrate at Chuy's last week. All the kiddos helped, too. Especially JW's L & T, who helped her eat up all her bday ice cream.
Happy Birthday, Babe!

*the lighting was weird...so I didn't get any good shots of the birthday girl...but here are some of the celebration

L huggin her mama
T lookin cute
Mia buried her spoon in the beans
cool ceiling at Chuy's
O was ready for a pic

Some of my fav shots of JW:

the new thought

2008-07-09T15:53:00.006-05:00

i found this photo and thought 'fuck! i have to dust, too?!?!?!'

nahhhh dusting is the least of my priorities. my sis will be in town tomorrow and i MUST get clean sheets on her bed. Mae was supposed to be here tonight, but got a late start. yay! more time for me to procrastinate. actually, i've been doing pretty well at all this cleaning stuff. ALL our laundry is clean...except for what we're wearing, and while Daryl and i tossed the nudist idea back and forth, we ultimately decided against.

pal o' mine Jenni came over today to watch Mia while i went to the salon for my appt with my stylist (love how that sounds). i'm part of the babysitter exchange thang, and scored Jenni and her cool kids to keep Mia in line. anywayyyyy Jenni got a smidge pissed that i cleaned for her.

it's now rude to clean for friends. the new thought on cleaning and friendly visits is 'if you were truly comfy around me, you wouldn't feel the need to clean up for my visit' and 'if you were truly comfy around me, you wouldn't judge me for my lack of housekeeping prowess'. so, to clean or not to clean...i don't want to seem rude....but i am trying to train my non-cleaning self. so, the timid little answer i gave Jenni was 'but i didn't sweep, mop or vacuum' :)

a side note - i'm feeling better with a slightly cleaner home, Daryl has noticed and given me props...he's even helping!

clean that shit up

2008-07-07T00:24:00.006-05:00

oh so hard to clean up my act. i do not clean. people think i clean, because i host MNI's and playdates, but i've fooled them all! i do not clean. what's funny is that i HATE a dirty house. why can't someone just come over every day and clean my house?...for free?

i've noticed that i, my husband, child...hell, even the dog live more in happy harmony when things are on the tidy side. so, knowing myself, and that i have to be trained...i'm doing a little everyday. then i want some sort of list or chart of daily chores for myself, Daryl and even Mia. she already picks up after herself...with supervision, clears her part after meals, and helps unload the dishwasher....oh, yeah, she LOVES helping me sort and turn the laundry. there's something very wrong if my 2 1/2 year old child cleans better/more than i do!

Mia is another huge reason i want to finally get this cleaning business under control. i want her to have a sense of pride of a job well done.

in the past few days i've:

organized Mia's toys in the living room and playroom...with Mia's help

cleaned Lola's fish bowl - HUGE feat

cleaned the half bath

organized Mia's room...again, with Mia's help

pretty much kept up with the dishes and almost kept up with the laundry

i'm proud of myself. job well done.

we're not preventing

2008-07-04T08:41:00.006-05:00

the word 'trying' feels weird to me. so, Daryl and I have decided to stop trying to prevent a pregnancy in hopes of scoring another kid :)

with our miscarriage in the spring, i've been asked if we'd go 'public' with our plans or keep thangs to ourselves 'just in case'. well, we obviously want to share this experience with our loved ones, and i don't believe in jinxing the pregnancy. plus, if anything does go wrong, we'll need the support of family and friends.

we visited with Kiwe and Tom yesterday. they have a 6 1/2 month old Baby Mia, and our Mia was so freakin cool with her. it made me smile....and then when she asks for a baby brudder...my heart melts.

gluten hangover

2008-06-30T20:06:00.005-05:00

i was pretty much on the GF thang on the way to the coast on friday. saturday was pretty easy as well. i know not everyone is gf, so i don't expect that they'd provide those options for me. my in-laws were super fab about the whole thing. there was plenty for me to eat, and Mia only ate a smidge of the glutenny stuff. we all went out to dinner sat night, and i still did well. it was when we got back, and i'd been drinking a little...i ate a huge as banana nut muffin! then the next day i had 1/2 of a huge ass blueberry muffin! hmmm the rest is a gluten induced blur...i know i had a banana double decker moon pie (we were on a roadtrip) and some cheese rangoons. fuck.

this morning, i didn't feel well. at all. i ended up in the bathroom at a playdate, and all i have to say is that if i keep doing this, i'm gonna need to carry matches with me (sorry Ashley). i was sluggish and gained 3 pounds.

today, i'm back on the wagon. it hurts too much not to be. plus the feeling of being out of control really sucks.

just put it on

2008-06-28T21:48:00.004-05:00

i'm sitting here on my mil's computer checking my email, and i HAVE to tell you what just happened. it's nothing juicy, but it did make me smile.

Dee (mil) opens the door and comes in from the balcony...Daryl is still out there. she makes a bee line for her bedroom at the same time calls back to Daryl 'just put it on'. Hmmm put what on, i wonder? she comes marching back towards the balcony with something in her hand. 'what's going on?' i ask. she replies with a stern look on her face, 'he WILL put aloe on his burn'.

now, i can NEVER get Daryl to put anything on himself if he doesn't want it on. Aloe is one of those things i always suggest, but never happens. let me let ya know that the tops of his feet are a smidge pink from the day of fishing...a little pink. he, like a lot of men, aren't used to real pain, so they kinda bitch and moan about the little aches, colds.... his feet are a little pink, but he mentioned it to his mama, and she went and got the aloe. i betcha he's got it on...let me go check. brb.

fuuuuuunnnnnyyyyyy!!!! i opened the door, asked him if he had aloe on his feet. they BOTH said 'yes' :)

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Comadre!

2008-06-27T09:52:00.009-05:00

Andrea's birthday is today....but we CELEBRATED last night!

nine of us hit Cool River for drinks & dinner. there was one point where a slightly...or a little more than slightly tipsy...Andrea (with half closed eyes) broadly gestured to everyone at the table and said 'Theeeeese are my friends'. i have to say that was the best moment of the evening, for me. here was one of my dear friends, being cherished by a fabulous group of women. she was reveling in it...she was so beautiful. after dinner, we hit the dance floor and literally boogied...or did we shake, shake, shake...shake, shake, shake..our booties? we danced and were silly. when i left, the beautiful birthday girl...still dancing closely with her friends...her eyes were closed and she was gently swaying....so gorgeously serene in the sea of dancers.

Yvonne...by Andrea

Steph...by Anja

Leah Ann & Tanya....by Andrea

Me...by Andrea

Leah Ann...by Anja

(my camera was passed around a bit, guest photographers are noted above..I took the rest)

no ants were harmed...

2008-06-26T16:13:00.004-05:00

so, Mia has a new fascination with magnifying glasses...i have an old fascination. while she was busy in her sandbox (with her back to me..i felt safe, but still very sneaky), i grabbed her MG and a dry leaf. it was a little breezy out, so i held the leaf still with my big toe....i had to hold my camera. MG + sunshine = FIRE! i created FIRE! ahhhhhh to feel like a kid again.

i'm killing myself....and i can't STOP!

2008-06-25T16:18:00.004-05:00

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm freakin KILLING myself. have you tried Central Market Organics HATCH Green Chile Tortilla Chips?

OMf'ingG!!!!!! they're FABULOUS in the oh,-it-hurts-so-bad-but-i-still-want-more kinda way.

FYI: this is a chip you won't have to share with your toddler. Mia took a bite, then a second, slowly looked at me and gently put the remainder of the chip back into the bag :)

birthday love for Bonnie

2008-06-24T13:27:00.005-05:00

pal o' mine, Bonnie turn a year older yesterday, and we got to celebrate her on Sunday night. it was such a blast...great friends, lots of great food, cold beer, 'ritas, water..and the water brought out the nakie babies. happy birthday, babe!

a side note about me:

a few weeks ago, i told someone or other that i was in my late 30's. it hit me hard while i was saying it. i'm not sure why, cuz i'm pretty confident about my age...i know i don't want to be younger! i guess it's saying good bye to a decade. since i'll only be 38 this august, i'll worry about all that later :)

there's no place like home

2008-06-18T20:02:00.005-05:00

after 10 days, Mia and I are now HOME!!!! we got in Tues @ 2 am...Daryl and I were VERY happy to see each other!

(ummm....no pics)

latinas who lunch

2008-06-14T22:03:00.007-05:00

this week, here in the valley, Mia and i haven't hung out with other mamas or kids, so Friday, we went in search. it's hot, so we decided on Chik-fil-A's indoor playscape. let me preface by saying that i was feeling cute...cute hair, cute jeans, cute green florally kinda hip top, and my new lime green sequined flip flops..CUTE! actually, not cute enough. there were 3 moms with a kid each...the kids looked normal, but not their moms. these were three incredibly beautiful Latinas that were impeccably put together. from their stylish cuts and colors, their super cute halters and those other shirts that look like tube tops but have strings from the middle that tie around their necks....white pants, new religion jeans, or sassy crops...ALL in HEELS!! and freaking CUTE heels,...sex in the city heels!!! at Chick-f'ing-A! maybe they just came from something important...nope, this is how they dress. i looked around for the rest of the day for HOT MILF SITC SAHLatinas....HEB? check! Walgreen's? check! here I was feeling fancy free...and actually a little more dressed up than I would be at home, and i looked tirada (slobish). oh, those damn gorgeous Latina housewives....oh think Gabrielle from Desperate Housewives...THAT'S how ALL the moms look down her!

this is an outfit one of the LILF's (sub Latina for Mom) was wearing...guy not included

i SO can't wait to get back to casual Austin....i just want to feel cute again. oh, cute thing was when their kids tried to get Mia into playing...they only spoke Spanish...it wasn't about colors, numbers, animals...that Mia's been learning in Spanish. it was 'hola, quires jugar? andale, ven con migo...' Mia just stood there and blinked. i translated and they played a little :)

Anja started it!

2008-06-13T01:28:00.004-05:00

she added a quiz from quizfarm.com (random peeps write their own quizzes) to her blog. then Mel added a different quiz on hers. soooooo being the follower that i am, i found a silly quiz filled with misspelled words and weird ass questions. here's my score:

What is your heart filled with?
You scored as a Peace
Your Heart is Filled With Peace. You are a very Peacefull Person and love Candles and Eroma Therepy.
Peace
95%
Love & Romance
85%
Wonder
70%
Imagionation
30%
Hate
25%

FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-12T09:07:00.004-05:00

i did it! i fucking did it! since purchasing this wonderful camera from Bonnie, i've been afraid of deleting all pics on the memory card before i got to upload them to a 'puter. well, i fucking did it!!! i had them, i guess, half way uploaded. they were in some sort of folder, then i had to 'get images' after i did, i unplugged the camera and deleted 'all' files BEFORE anything had actually uploaded!!

SEE what happens when i need more chai! FUCK!

and i'm not even going to search for a stock photo of this monumental mistake!

FUCK!

*update* - i did NOT delete anything. i have all my pics safe in a folder. now HOW did my brain fail me so? at least on autopilot, i save my pics correctly :)

damn!

2008-06-12T08:51:00.001-05:00

damn that empty cup of chai!! where did you freakin goooooo?!?! i need you soooooo!

it was an orange...

2008-06-11T00:16:00.006-05:00

...i promise.

monday's best shot has been on my mind after several comments along the lines of 'oh, I thought it was a lime...are you SURE it wasn't a lime?'

how i WISH it were a lime...it would have gone great with my beer, but sadly, no. the piece of fruit in question was an under ripe orange. my mom has an orange tree. here are a couple of pics of Mia picking from said tree....the fruit are round, not oval like limes. well shit, some limes are round! but, this was an orange :)

now, where did i put that limeless beer?

how i mother

2008-06-09T22:25:00.005-05:00

sarah napthali, author of Buddhism for Mothers...my heroine of the week

as i was looking online for the newest books on Mel's reading list, i ran across Buddhism for Mothers. it's synopsis sounded like something i needed, so along with both Peaceful Piggie books, Peaceful Piggies Yoga and Peaceful Pigges Meditation, i added BforM to my shopping cart. it was a great move on my part...well, that and acutally reading it. since being at my mom's, i've had a LOT of free time...to read, color mandalas, create animals out of Sculpey (yay 50% off coupon from Michael's) for Ita's garden, play my djembe...and over all spend time reflecting. i haven't really had to be anywhere or do anything. i've been able to take the time to reflect on how i parent, how i treat others, how i treat myself.

along with the book, i've added the Gifts of Imperfect Parenting blog series to my little list. the following excerpt rang true:

'We can NOT give our children what we don't have. If we want our children to have courage, compassion, and connection, we must practice these things in our daily lives. If we want them to love and accept who they are, our job is to love and accept who we are.'

this also goes a little bit along with the self-care talk i sat in on by Renee Trudeau last Fall. in the second drawer of my nightstand, sits The Mother's Guide to Self-Care. must pull that out when i get home.

does all this answer the how i mother question? probably not, but it lets you peek into the windows of my train of thought.

Best Shot Monday ~ The Squirrel Feeder

2008-06-08T23:51:00.007-05:00

Mia and I are visiting my mom this week. In Ita's garden, there are several little creatures that my mom (Ita) takes much pleasure in moving around so Mia can find them in a different spot in the morning. The morning critter hunt is the highlight of every morning here at Ita's house.

This morning, Mia tired to feed a very under ripe orange to a resin squirrel...stuff memories are made of.

For more magical shots, visit Tracey at Mother May I

on the road

2008-06-08T09:18:00.002-05:00

this was my view for 3 hours.

there was a curve.

then another 4 hours.

mandalas

2008-06-07T10:48:00.006-05:00

ok. so. 9 mamas hit the house last night to drink and color! i printed out chingos of mandalas, bought colored pencils & markers, wiped down the tables and make guacamole. not sure if anyone had any breakthrough spiritual moments...but we sure did have a blast.

the amount of concentration shown was impressive...there were even those that had 'test' areas on the backs of their papers! everyone was super proud of their finished pieces and rightfully so.

then Mel broke out the games! Mad Gab ROCKS!! i'd never seen Steph laugh so fuckin hard! on went jokes, sex stories, poop stories...i'm so glad Daryl loves my friends and finds them so entertaining. he didn't even blink when Mel asked to see 'show me your genitals'. i love him....he actually hooked it up to the main tv.

we called it a night after Christen's blow job story...doesn't everyone end their MNI's with a BJ story?

sex, shoes & silliness in the city

2008-06-04T12:48:00.006-05:00

the girls hit the Alamo last night for Sex in the City. we laughed, ate, cried, drank, snorted, talked (during the movie...bad Tanya) and had the best time. the following photos are of us after the show trying to pose all sexy, but acting like, as one lady asked 'are ya'll from out of town?'...Bonnie replied, 'no, we're moms who don't get out much'. the smart and sneaky lady not in the photos, but behind my point & shoot, was Anja. i'm hoping Bonnie caught a few of her.

i djembe

2008-06-03T11:08:00.004-05:00

i'm a drummer. i drum djembe. Yvonne, Stephanie and I had our first class last night with Mae the magnificent. on the carpool over, Yvonne and i realized that we had some time to kill...we stopped off at the Texas Roadhouse for a drink (drank it pretty fast) and peanuts...thankfully she had tic-tacs!

on to Mae's gorgeous Tudor home and into her den filled with drums and other musical instruments. we were at the riiiiight place. first was a quick history of the djembe...fascinating! my fav was that the drum is to have 3 spirits..1. the tree (the base) 2. the animal (the skin) 3. the drum maker. then on to the basics. it was exhilarating! for the next hour and a half my mind was free of troubles...the only thoughts were of rhythm and joy. it was great to be in it and then look over at my friends and see the pleasure in their faces. we were kids again!

today, my hands are a little sore...my left one especially...hmmmm must work on placement. oh, after our class, we had sort of a jam session. Mae played two drums and the rest of us picked out our choice of ethnic instrument...we just let loose and blissed out.

i'm looking forward to next weeks lesson and on our third week joining with our friends...Andrea, Anja, Mel, Leah Ann and Domi (we had to be split b/c of scheduling). off to practice...she gave us homework :)

Best Shot Monday - All the Tasty Colors

2008-06-01T21:55:00.003-05:00

Mia loves thinks everything is 'like a lollipop...like a cupcake....like ice cream'...all wonderful tasty things that are full of color. Here she tastes some of her own colors.

Take a look some more Best Shot Monday snaps here at Tracey's

tp

2008-05-30T15:16:00.003-05:00

mia is currently sitting on the potty, unrolling all the toilet paper...waiting for the poo to come out of her bootie (her words). i thought about telling her not to unroll all the tp, but what harm is it causing? she's having fun and on some level, she just may be learning something and it's giving me a little break.

anticipation is killing me!

2008-05-29T09:28:00.002-05:00

my djembe is Out for Delivery!!!!!!!!! Not sure what the hell I'm gonna do with it once I get it....probably bang it around and pretend I'm a Djembabe on stage with the spot light on me....or playing in a subway for the world to hear...or even better....in a drum circle with lovely dancers doing their thang to the beat of my music.

best shot monday

2008-05-26T12:45:00.005-05:00

sunblock + sand + sweat = my BSM

For Tracey's & more BSM photos click HERE

in my face

2008-05-25T21:06:00.004-05:00

Ben's M&C from Waterloo on 360 & 2222

my buddy, Ben, ordered some mac & cheese today for lunch. he sat right next to me taunting me with the cheesy pasta goodness. ok. Ben is 3 years old and doesn't have a clue what gluten is much less that i'm not eating it anymore. it was still a huge tease....don't get me started on the wrongness displayed by 9 month old Sam going to town on a yummy piece of WHITE bread while on my LAP!

husbands worst fear....

2008-05-22T19:58:00.004-05:00

.......coming home to find a debit card near an open computer!

so, yeah, i bought a djembe today :)

the visitor

2008-05-22T09:42:00.003-05:00

last night, i met up with drumming pals Andrea, Melanie and Anjalika (Stephanie, Leah Ann & Yvonne couldn't make it) at the Arbor to experience a beautiful film together . The Visitor. it was incredibly moving and makes me want to drum even more. thankfully djembe lessons are only 2 weeks away.

ebb & flow

2008-05-21T09:02:00.005-05:00

last night, the inner Tanya hung out with inner Sara. lovely friend, Sara, is taking classes for cranial sacral therapy and needed a guinea pig to 'listen' to. me, me, me, meeeeee! yay, she picked me!..while i am special, she does need others to work on, too.

the whole experience was indescribable...here's the part where i try to describe it :) actually, i've just decided not to. i know i don't have the words to describe my experience, so trying won't do it or Sara justice.

just know that i was moved from within while laying still with lovely Sara's hands gently resting on my feet, neck and head. i'm also going back next tuesday evening for more.

best shot monday

2008-05-19T22:57:00.004-05:00

i'm following in Andrea's footsteps. how could i NOT with this shot of Mia trying to catch water?

soymilk no more

2008-05-19T15:31:00.003-05:00

soy beans - good

large amounts of concentrated soy - not good

the ONLY time i drink/use soymilk is in my daily much needed chai. i figured that out of all the other 'milks' out there that almond milk may be the one to replace my beloved Silk Vanilla Soymilk with added fiber or Omega-3's... i alternate boxes.

so today was my first try. let's say my ONLY try. it was fucking disgusting!

giving up 1 cup of soymilk a day, yeah that's not gonna happen!

note to self

2008-05-18T23:51:00.007-05:00

stock photo of brownies....i freakin ate my brownie!!

don't eat a mega brownie before bed....regardless if it's GF, it's still packed with sugar. so, next time, don't do it if you want to come down off your sugar high in time for bed.

*Note to others:

Living Arts' brownies kick ASS!!! but do not work as a sleep aid.

bye Mama Elsa sniff

2008-05-18T15:56:00.006-05:00

O'Mama Elsa and her fam are moving to Maine in early June. A few of us got together to wish her well, treat her to dinner and drinks at Margaritas....we pretty much loved on her all night. Elsa, her smile, her boys, her wicked wit, and her muffins will be really missed.

The lighting SUCKED!!!...these were the only shots that worked out :(

this lovely one of me was taken by Andrea T

the trash bag debate

2008-05-17T18:43:00.002-05:00

as Daryl was taking out the trash a couple of minutes ago, i asked him to start thinking about not using trash bags anymore. when we run out of our current supply, i don't want to buy anymore.

here's our conversation:

Daryl: what do i use instead?
me: the can
D: how do i carry it outside
m: pick up the can, carry it to the big trash bin and dump it in
D: if i eat a trash bag can i keep using them?
m: WTF?!?!
D: it would show you that they mean a lot to me
m: why do they mean so much to you? (i ask like i'm unaware of his slight ocd cleanliness issues?)
D: they just DO
m: what if i were to wash the trash can out myself before it's brought back in?
D: ok. no trash bags

a few minutes later:

D: landfills are fine and there's all this research...blah blah blah (i stopped listening to him)
m: it's not about the landfills, it's about consuming less.
D: do YOU eat trash bags?
m: NO, less of a commercial consumer
D: oh, so you wanna save money
M: sure, yeah
D: ok. no bags....but we still have some left, right?

crap

2008-05-15T22:05:00.011-05:00

i'm tired of feeling like crap so i'm going to stop eating crap.

hence, the embarkment on the wheat-free partial gluten-free way.

today was my first full day, and i did rather well. i think the only thing i ate that GF or WF were the two crab won tons i had with my pad thai.

who's really kicking me in gear (and she probably doesn't even know it) is Melanie. i'm taking part of a healthy challenge with some of the O'Mamas. Mel is putting it together, and it's just what i needed. so, i've recruited my honey to train me. i asked him to train along side me so i won't feel so alone. my husband is now exercising. he underestimates my sneakiness

close to my heart

2008-05-13T14:14:00.004-05:00

as some of you know, my mama has been having some difficulties with her beautiful heart. a lot has been going on, and she is now the proud owner of a pacemaker...talk about Bling! only one lead is in, they have to go back in a month to attach the other...her heart was too smooth or something. she's had some scares (like a super minor TIA stroke...they can't even tell when that happened. don't worry, she's ok), but she'll be released from the hospital today. she's so excited to get back home to her puppy, Max and her fabulous garden.

my sister, Mae, flew down from Denver to see her over the weekend. they had a great visit. mom can't have us down yet. she needs to settle home. Mia wasn't allowed in the hospital, and mom can't be jostled too much. that's something that i'm not sure Mia would understand. she'd want full access to her beloved Ita. so, Mia and i will be flying down as soon as the dust settles.

i miss my mom. Mother's Day was a little bittersweet this year knowing she was stuck in the hospital. so glad Mae was there. but my sweet mom was in the forefront of my mind all day.

yesterday, i talked with her on the phone while i was reading to Mia. we have a couple of new books on meditation for children...easy reads with gorgeous illustrations. so, i read to my mom, too. she said it was just what she needed. i just want to snuggle up with her on the sofa. my head on her lap and she just stroking my hair...us talking about everything and nothing. i miss my mom.

an evening of rhythm & love

2008-05-10T20:45:00.008-05:00

OMG!!! friday night i hung out with pals Stephanie, Yvonne, Andrea and her two awesome boys, Jay & Domi. after having a couple of cold beers with Yvonne (i heart her), we meet up with the rest of the group at the Djembabe benefit concert...benefiting The Sankofa Center for African Dance & Culture.....an AIDS education art/drama group in Ghana, West Africa.

the drum class went first

i CAN"T say enough about the

Djembabes (click and read what they're 'about') . i was moved by these beautiful women with powerful voices and amazing rhythms. i'm so ready to take the djembe drumming class with my amigas in june.

Enzo...dancing in the isles

after the Djembabes, The Bells of Joy took stage. they're a rockin' gospel group from way back. they were too much fun! they made me smile.

then out came Rattletree Marimba...a Zimbabwean style marimba band based in Austin. if i had still been drinking, i would have been out in the isles dancin!

The Sankofa Center:

bits & pieces from the concert:

cinco de mayo

2008-05-06T20:12:00.008-05:00

i celebrated in style by playing Loteria with my amigas. it was a wild night of food, beer and mispronounced spanish words. it was FANTASTICO!

Melanie was fabulous as usual! she even acted out el borracho.

Jasmine made a sassy pair of Loteria earrings for each mama as a Mother's Day gift. how sweet is that?!?!

spider spider spider

2008-05-04T23:15:00.003-05:00

in the last two weeks, I've been bitten by TWO spiders! so, while laying in bed with Daryl (yes, i'm up...can't sleep with two pachangas on my mind!) i told him that since going through all that, i SHOULD have spidey sense....or web casting abilities. closed my eyes to see if i could sense anything out of the ordinary...niles farted! so then i flung my wrist out...in the spidey manner, nope. no web. not even when i did it fast and hard. nothing came out.

oh, well. i rolled back to Daryl, and told him what i would do if i had webs. he said that it would help me get things done for both parties tomorrow. i said, that i wouldn't have parties, cuz i'd be on oprah! then on larry king...i'd snap his suspenders with my webs. then i'd tie mccain and john hagee together...belly to belly and see how they liked each other after that.

oh....what a super mom i'd be. able to snatch kids away from oncoming cars, everyone would have a swing at the park, i would definitely go to the crocheting MNO, and i'd be a HIT at kids' birthday parties.

maybe i just need one more spider bite. good things come in three's right?

bitch on back

2008-05-02T08:45:00.003-05:00

i just woke up from a highly lesbian dream. it wasn't a sexy lipstick lesbian dream that guys would pay to see. more like a platonic lesbian relationship with a very butch woman. i felt loved & adored. the dream felt very long, so it was very detailed about our life together. she had a Harley, and i was lovingly referred to as 'the bitch on back' :)

i so much love long vivid dreams....they linger. regardless that i'm not a lesbian, nice feelings are great to have around.

mind vs. mirror

2008-04-27T22:48:00.006-05:00

i'm one of those girls with a fucked up body image. i've been thin. i've been fat. i've been everywhere in between. on the days that i feel all svelte, i can conquer the world! on the days that i feel like a chubby manatee...well, those days just suck.

everyone who has ever taken a photo of me, or been around when it's happened, knows that i have issue with a certain double chin. it shows up...even on the days when i'm feeling like a barbie doll...not as plastic, of course.

i've been fighting with myself lately about loosing my toddler weight...i don't think i can still blame it on the non-existent baby....i have a full blown toddler now. i'm not going to go on and on about the diet i'm starting tomorrow. i'm still fighting and the enchiladas are winning!

during the trip to the valley, Mia and i hit the museum. in the kids area they had fun house mirrors. there's nothing fun about them...well, except the one where i've been stretched and look svelte :)

the valley

2008-04-25T17:39:00.002-05:00

we got here on Tues. it's so flat, brown, dry and dusty. i told that to a friend of mine who's originally from Browsville (another valley town), and she said it wouldn't be the valley if it wasn't like that. it's true. it's just a different kind of beauty....mesquite trees, cactus, palm trees.

my mom has an awesome hammock swing hanging from a hugemongous tree. it (with a cold beer) rocks me till i get sleepy before bed, and awake (with my chai) in the morning. i'm resolved to get one when we get a house with big trees. now, if i could just take some of these birds home. they make the sounds of my childhood. i don't hear them anywhere else. i know some are mourning doves...but the rest, well, i have no desire to find out. i just simply love them.
the first night here, i really missed my dad. he died 6 years ago right after christmas. there are so many things that remind me of him...but so many things have changed, too. it was a hard first night out on that swing.

since then, it's been so much better. i'm loving everything for what it is, not for what i still wished it were.

packing update

2008-04-22T08:33:00.002-05:00

it's 8:34am and we leave at 11am for the airport. i still haven't packed a thing. this is me living dangerously. when i was younger i was a bit of a thrill seeker...i've found it again :)

off to slowly drink my chai until Mia wakes up and i guess i'll start packing then...packing with a toddler underfoot...it add to the thrill!

stay tuned for my blog entry on everything i forgot to pack.

loitering

2008-04-21T09:39:00.002-05:00

My chick, Mia and I are scheduled to depart tomorrow for a 4 day trip to see my mom. um, I'm not even CLOSE to being ready. that's probably because i haven't actually started yet. I've been online checking my email and fav blogs. i have tons of laundry to do, luggage to get out, snacks to sort through, toys, books, stickers to gather. and it's not like we're driving. we're flying, so i can't really put off departure time. hell, i'd rather exercise than get ready...well, maybe not exercise :)

i talk a good game

2008-04-20T15:13:00.004-05:00

last night, Daryl & i went over to Courtney & Harry's place for a friendly game of poker. Erica & Dave, and Stephanie & Michael, also wanted me to take their money.

first off, Harry had a yummy spread! Daryl contributed his famous 7-layer dip, and Stephanie some spicy salsa. it was Erica's birthday, so Harry also pulled out all the stops by making a chocolate decadence cake with raspberry sauce for Erica's birthday. Seriously Delicious.

poker? yeah, i sucked, but i was AWESOME at drinking. sometimes you just don't get the cards. when that happens, you are NOT supposed to keep on bettin'. Daryl made up for my loss, and we pretty much came home even, but I came home with my pride a little dented. Erica, the birthday girl, was the big winner of the night...as she should be.

regret vs. guilt.....sort of

2008-04-17T01:00:00.006-05:00

i was chatting with buddies this afternoon. a couple of beers later, and some how were on the subject of husbands. One friend said that when she asked her husband if he regretted anything in his life, he said no. That it all made him who he is. While I understand that concept, I can't get over how confident that sounded.

later, when i got home, i asked Daryl if he regretted anything in his life and he just looked at me and said no. i KNEW he would say that. my husband has a certain kind of quiet confidence about him...very elegant in a way. he reminds me so much of my dad (i know) in that respect.

i know i am who i am because of the total of experiences in my life...good and bad. but i can't help regretting some things....a lot of things actually.

this morning...i regret that i gave Mia an enriched white flour waffle instead of the flax, omega-3, whole grain ones we usually have. maybe regret is to harsh of a word. but i still keep running things around in my head in loops. 'well, it's homemade....yeah, it's homemade crap....'

i don't usually beat myself up over little things like this. i guess it's more mama guilt than regret. hmmmm

i am so not legend

2008-04-13T22:24:00.003-05:00

last night, Daryl and i watched I Am Legend. to say the least, it creeped me out. we watched it in the dark, the 'creepy guys' lived in the dark and attacked in the dark. tonight, the dark is not my friend. so, here i sit at 10:30pm in a well lit room wondering how i'm going turn off this light, cross the dark bedroom and get into my safe bed with my strong (sleeping) husband with minimal flashbacks of the creepy guys.

my sunday so far

2008-04-13T12:33:00.004-05:00

i have no idea why, but my PMDD symptoms are pretty much gone without the '.' that's a good thing, now wondering when i'll get it. it sucks (contraception wise) not knowing where i am in my cycle.

on to the allergies. i woke up feeling hungover, but i didn't drink last night....that's just not fair. so, i checked the pollen counts and oak is like 1,666 something or other...note the demonic reference...my headache had to have come straight from hell. ok, i'm exaggerating...but my head does hurt.

once Daryl is done mowing the grass/stirring up oak pollen :p we'll be headed out for Dripping Springs to hang with the fab in-laws. i miss them.

mama love

2008-04-10T20:42:00.008-05:00

Stephanie hosted the spring/summer blessingway last night. i really wasn't feeling up to it, but i went anyway, and i'm glad. i was able to give Courtney and Monica neck and shoulder massages. i'm glad i had some lotion in my bag, because i wasn't sure if it was on the list of events for the evening. i was able to pass on some love via massage, and that was a special part of the evening for me.

i dabbled with my camera...lighting was dim and yellowish, but i was able to take a couple good-ish shots. i'm having a lot of fun with it all. i just cant' wait to get my larger memory card in the mail. i love the following shot of Courtney...it reminds me of the beautiful shot Bonnie took of me at the holiday party. fab position for the reduction of all double chins.

this photo taken by Bonnie

Ka-Prow

2008-04-09T17:22:00.003-05:00

last night we went to Ka-Prow (makes me think of those old comics..POW!!! Bam!!) for dinner with some awesome friends. i HAD to take my new camera along...to test the lighting and if I know anything about what i'm doing yet. oh, dinner was fab...let's get to the pics :)

really?...again?

2008-04-08T22:29:00.004-05:00

for the record, PMDD (i have every single symptom!) sucks! Daryl had to come home at lunch to take care of me...he stayed home the whole afternoon, working and caring for Mia while i slept. one of the perks of being preggers....no pmdd! i have to get on the pill or back on celexa...or i'll go mad and take everyone with me. hoping for a better tomorrow, but know it'll pretty much suck till aunt flo makes her appearance. i'm actually looking forward to my period. how fucked up is that!?!?!

'twas the night before the camera...

2008-04-07T07:41:00.007-05:00

...and thoughts of fab shots danced in my head.

today, i pick up my DSLR! sweet Bonnie is selling it to me because she, also, has her sights on a better camera. i can't explain my giddiness right now, but those who know me, understand.

this awesome pic of Bonnie & me taken by Super Mel

sleep....

2008-04-02T01:41:00.004-05:00

....it escapes me

my bedtime is now, and for the past 4 nights, 3am. why? i've been preoccupied by something extraordinary. my thoughts have been everywhere...even to the moon and back...if not further. i have tired eyes, but a happy heart.

Mia is the most amazing child. i love to hear her thoughts. i wish i could follow her around with a tape recorder because now, at 1:46am, i have no recollection of her words...free of censorship and full of wonder.

as i was unloading the warm fresh towels earlier this evening, i remembered the feeling of burying myself under the towels my mom had just pulled from the dryer. THAT'S heaven. i've solved the mystery of what heavenly clouds are made of. now, i can sleep...almost.

the many vices of...

2008-03-28T13:57:00.003-05:00

when i was younger (mid 20's), i wrote a weekly very Sex in the City-esque column for the Valley's answer to the Austin Chronicle. it was called The Many Vices of Sydney...(i was sydney). i went on and on about everything that was important to me at the time, going out, hanging out, barring, local music, smoking, drinking.....

i hadn't thought about that in YEARS, but what brought it all back into the front of my brain are all my new vices. my good pal, Bonnie, talks very freely and unapologetically of her collection of vices/addictions....f.i. her coffee (i have no idea WHAT she drinks, but am aware that, no, coffee from 7-11 just won't do, thank you very much.

here's my unapologetic list:

~ chai

~ sex (hmmm came after chai, but it's still high on the list)

~ blogging on my TWO blogs

~ taking pictures

~ O'Mama message board...i'm a board whore

~ Amy's Mexican Bowls (i've eaten 5 in one day, but only stopped bc there were no more in the freezer...I checked...THRICE)

~ facebook (don't get me started...i love it all!)

~ drinking bottled water...yes, I'm going to hell, but I'll be hydrated

~ and now (thanks to Bonnie) twitter

~ laughing...i love when i can't stop & always want more

~ beer (XX) & lots of it when hanging with friends

i'm a borderline cigarette smoking addict...i can go for loooong periods of time (months, years)without smoking, but when i start, i can't stop at one. i'll smoke all day & all night. i LOVE it!

what sucks is when they get in the way of eachother...can't finish posting pics cuz i'm playing a game on facebook, but wait...don't want to miss anything on twitter...can someone hand me a mexi bowl and a water (in a plastic bottle)?

i'll keep ya posted if/when i develop any more.

chai (yes, again)

2008-03-27T08:46:00.008-05:00

yesterday, my body, for some freakish reason, responded to Daryl's alarm...at 6am! there was no way back, so i pulled myself from my warm bed towards the kitchen where i would be soothed by a warm cuppa chai.

denied. no soymilk!

how the fuck did that happen? Daryl had stopped off at the store the night before to gather some last min items for the shrimp dip i took to Allison's blessingway. didn't even THINK of adding soymilk to the list. i've been very narrow-sighted these days.

Daryl found me wrapped up in a quilt, sitting in the middle of the sofa...sobbing. why? why can't i just have chai? it's a cruel world out there. i do NOT like Starbuck's or any other chai but my own, but it requires vanilla soymilk (with added fiber), a special chai concentrate and a microwave. I'm classy like that. for some reason i've been avoiding the grocery store. hard to get soymilk that way. there was no chai in sight for me. *whimper*

my husband cuddled me. tried to comfort me all the while (i'm sure) thinking 'how do i get out of here alive, without going to the store and soon...i have to go to work' what he told me was, 'don't worry, i'll be right back with some soymilk...i need creamer for the office anway'. this was said when we both knew that he'd hit rush hour traffic. was it an empty offer? well, we'll never know as i responded with a 'really? *sniff* really? *sniff, sniff*'.

he acquired said soymilk (happily), saved my day, and will forever be a hero in my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

another note about chai. i guess this can go for coffee lovers as well. i'll be busy typing away, enjoying an occasional sip of the nectar of the gods, and then i'll reach for the cup, and it feels way too light. horror! the cup is empty and i didn't relish the last drop...i didn't even notice it.

Allison

2008-03-26T08:05:00.004-05:00

the O'Mamas had a Blessingway celebration for Allison last night.

it was lovely.

i was honored to do a little henna belly art.

the baby moved under my hands.

the enchanting mama of the evening

showing off her beautiful belly.

that's just super

2008-03-25T16:33:00.003-05:00

i'm having a super day!

the sun is shining...right through my new playdate-made suncatcher. Mia's in a fab mood. i'm almost done with laundry (are we ever really done?). i'm going out tonight to a dear prego friends' blessingway celebration. i spent the morning with an awesome group of mamas and their fabulous offspring. my husband is coming home early to get in some quality time before i take off. i found a yummy new recipe....that's always wonderful. I have bunches and bunches of amazingly loving friends. i've got my fav jeans on and my hair looks good!

Me

2008-03-24T15:00:00.005-05:00

I was tagged by my mamacita in crime Andrea

7 Weird Things About Me

1. I'm afraid of milk. The expiration date seems so fragile. What if the delivery truck got to hot? I started drinking soymilk years ago bc it's exp date is like 3 months after date of purchase...now that's something I can handle....and no, I can't just sniff regular milk to see if it's ok. Once opened and used, the milk around the rim stinks like rotten milk anyway!

2. I can eat something that's been left out all night. I know, I know. Disgusting, and it goes against the premise behind my milk phobia.

3. I deal with anxiety almost on a minute to minute basis. When I'm driving, I can see us in a wreck and mutilated. When Mia's climbing on a playscape, I picture her falling and breaking her back or neck...super morbid, but I'm constantly battling it.

4. I LOVE jumping out and scaring Daryl, Mia or anyone I feel super comfy around and the ideal moment presents itself. The look of terror on their faces is priceless. Don't worry, Mia thinks it's hilarious!

5. My sex drive either equals or is higher than my husbands :) I've got PCOS which gives me a large dose of androgens including testosterone. Hence, the high sex drive.

6. I LOVE to pick my nose. It feels great! What do I do with my boogers? Well, if I don't have a tissue handy, I stick 'em in my pocket! I never EAT them!

7. I play with Barbies. I've always loved brushing their hair and getting them all dressed up. I play with them while Mia naps. I'm sooooo not into sharing :)

I'm suposed to include a self portrait. I just took this outside (better light). I kinda dig it.

i'm trying

2008-03-24T14:08:00.003-05:00

a little while ago, a dear friend asked how i was doing. i replied, 'i've cleaned my whole kitchen and finished 4 loads of laundry'. then we mentioned how great denial is. i'm better when Daryl is home, but alone, not so much.

yesterday was easter, and we spent it with family. while i was just fine in the beginning, i quickly became tired and needed 2 naps in a 4 hr period. another dear friend had mentioned in an email that surgery is surgery and my body is healing.

i'm really surprised how hard i've been hit by this. i hadn't shopped, no discussion of name choices... but i'd been pregnant for 10 weeks. almost a full trimester. i've had a lot of loss in my life, so i know how to grieve and what it's all about. i just can't pinpoint anything in my brain this time. it's just a sad foggy feeling that comes over me.

Bye Boo

2008-03-23T03:00:00.005-05:00

the sonogram on thursday showed that Boo had died a few weeks ago. I had a D&C on friday. apparently all the spotting and feeling lousy in general was my body trying to reject everything. actually, after the D&C, i'm feeling a lot better. it really took a toll on me.

Daryl and i spent the last few days together talking and snuggling, and making sure we felt connected and safe. Mia has been with Dee and Tom (my fabulous in-laws) since friday morning. it's really given Daryl and i some much needed time.

love, family, friends and laughter (ok, and a smidge of hydrocodone...it was painful) have gotten us through this.

why?

2008-03-17T23:52:00.002-05:00

why do i let what some people say bug me so bad that i can't sleep? it's kind of a no big deal subject, but it feels big deal to me.

my husband says to 'let it go'. why? why don't i just let it go, and be done with it? why do i replay it in my head over and over and get more and more pissed?

why am i still sitting here thinking of all the things i should have said? why don't i learn how to breathe, and calmly say what needs to be said at the time it needs to be said and be done with it? why do i instead get flustered, look down or away and pretend it didn't bug me?

i'm more than sure that person is asleep dreaming of whatever pain in the ass people dream about.

iMOTHER

we've moved!

i sleep

breakfast for dinner

i miss

from a potato

food?

broken

where DID it go?!?!

i fondue

happy birthday, Leah Ann

spa-ahhhhhhh

why i take prenatal vitamins

cold feet

today

the last bite

i relax

i wanna puke

blah

My Life Path Number

it beats

nothing

i'm getting sleeeeeeepy

i NIA

it's my cycle...i can cry if i want to

Nuad Bo'Rarn

and the rest of the birthday

beyond drumming, fun & color

manga me, too

glam

Mel did this to me

i drum

mi tia

sad vs. happy

happy birthday O'Mamas

that damned swiper

fangaaaaaaaa

i wanna have sex with you, but...

Bonnie's Boozing Booth

Happy Birthday JW!

the new thought

clean that shit up

we're not preventing

gluten hangover

just put it on

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Comadre!

no ants were harmed...

i'm killing myself....and i can't STOP!

birthday love for Bonnie

there's no place like home

latinas who lunch

Anja started it!

FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn!

it was an orange...

how i mother

Best Shot Monday ~ The Squirrel Feeder

on the road

mandalas

sex, shoes & silliness in the city

i djembe

Best Shot Monday - All the Tasty Colors

tp

anticipation is killing me!

best shot monday

in my face

husbands worst fear....

the visitor

ebb & flow

best shot monday

soymilk no more

note to self

bye Mama Elsa *sniff*

the trash bag debate

crap

close to my heart

an evening of rhythm & love

cinco de mayo

spider spider spider

bitch on back

bye Mama Elsa sniff